I,ve had a strange two weeks....
I feel like i have dropped off the face of the earth..I'm disconnected and to be honest i don't think i mind to much..Every-time i pop back into reality..it just hurts
All i can see are failed friendships,loss,death and a huge looming future of segregation,stigma,self loathing,fighting ,struggling,willing myself to keep getting up everyday....FOR WHAT!!
I,m angry,sad,frustrated and quite frankly just fucking over it all
It is a very hard place to be in finding out the foundation beliefs in your life the ones that comfort and you hold dear are complete bullshit..gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
What do i mean...
Well apparently its perfectly OK to cry and let others see you are hurt... NEWS to ME
I was taught time and time again by various people to cry in front of people is a risk not worth taking and that people will use it against you laugh at you belittle you or tell you that you imagined the hurt in the first place...or that you are simply a complete fucking pussy and should harden up and just cope like normal people do.
Its also OK to say you are angry..REALLY ???
not in my home it wasn't you would get a smack in the head or told you had no right to be angry that actually it was your fault *said incident even happened and that you should just be dam grateful that anybody even spoke to you..
oh and you belong YOU BELONG!! really REALLY i don't believe i fit in this world ..i never have,I,m always too loud ,to quiet,swears to much,speaks my mind too much,always says the wrong thing at the wrong time....
anyway next time I,m going to challenge those things that have been biting my ass..right now the lawn needs mowing.......
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