grief sucks

for the past few months i have had the waves of grief hit me,random times a sound a song a laugh

they are not the nice waves that everyone says surf ride the wave blah blah blah

They are tidal waves that crash in ..

obliterating my ability to think ,feel and be in this world

at the end of a moment in time im wrung out flatten to the floor choking back bile gasping for air tears that wont come until my throat has burnt itself...

and then the tears come ..what a god dammed mess

i,m tired.

i have had to make some choices that i never wanted to make,

break promise i wanted to keep.

give me a fucking break im doing the best i can.

i hate grief, i hate loss i hate the hollowness that follows.

Im told that this gets better and that its gets easier..i hope so.